The Goat Trailer

Living in the country has its perks.  One of them is that there's more space between your house and your neighbor's house.  But on the other hand, sometimes you get some really strange neighbors.  On one side of our house lives some regular country folk- the kind that shoots guns in their backyard, yells at their dogs, and will tow my car out of a ditch when I need help.  On the other side of our house is a goat trailer.

(Hellllooooo, neighbor!)

Some goats live there.  The trailer sits on our property, so they rent from us.  The problem with the trailer is that it's so run down that regular humans didn't want to live in it.  So we really had no choice but to accept the goat tenants- it was either that, or fix up the trailer.  (And... nah.) 

Having goats live in our trailer was maybe not the best move.  They don't really know how to live in a house.

(No no no.  You're supposed to go IN the house, not ON it.)

They also don't use human toilets so... there's crap everywhere.  They tend to jump on anything that's not nailed down.  Actually, they jump on the nailed down stuff too.  They eat hay in the living room. They jump out of the windows instead of using the door.  They scratch their horns against the door frames.  In fact, I've even seen them try to eat the house!

(Yum yum yum!)

It's safe to say, they are not getting their security deposit back.

(What a mess.)

And when you try to confront them about it, they just look at you blankly.

(Who, me?)

Or, they run away.

(It's the landlady!  Quick, let's get out of here!)

Or, they are just downright rude.

Sigh.

I am pretty sure I smelled some sort of "herb" coming from that house.  I don't want to assume anything, but when I asked about it I didn't exactly get a satisfactory answer.

(It's all good here, man, it's all good.)

And the worst part of it is- they are late on their rent!

(Whaaaat???  Why, I never!)

That's right, goats.  You never.  You never clean.  You never pay rent.  I don't even think you really own money!  In fact, you probably ate it.  Just like you ate the sofa.  And the chairs.  And the dresser.  And the walls.  And the insulation!

(They totally do.)

And now they've even gotten a dog, which expressly violates our no pet policy!

 (They don't even bother hiding the dog from me.  Figures.)

In short, goats are horrible tenants.  And they make pretty lousy neighbors, too.  They keep eating our fruit trees that we planted in the yard.  They bleat all day and all night.  And they throw wild parties where they invite some shifty-looking cows over.  I keep worrying the cows might decide to come over and pass out in my yard, or startle my children with their uncouth Holstein ways.

(Cows these days.  What ever happened to family values?  Obviously they weren't raised right.)

Well, since I'm the landlady, I decided to evict them.  Or, at least I tried.

They ate the contract.