The candy was bad enough, but... giving the kids flashlights? What was he thinking? Especially since we all had caught the plague and were grumpy and tired.
VikingDad got that particular flashlight for a reason. That reason is that this flashlight is, in his words, "nigh indestructible." And he says that like it's a good thing. So, let me enlighten you, VikingDad, as to what exactly you did by bringing these flashlights into our home.
Dear VikingDad, I understand that our kids destroy stuff. They do it frequently and they do it well. At this point, they could enter a talent competition and win, because of how well they destroy stuff. And yes, it's true that WildGirl has truly tested this theory. The first 10 minutes saw her hurl her flashlight across the room to see if it would break when it hit the wall. As soon as you left for work on Monday, she threw it in her bath water. She used it to smash play dough (and missed, banging it against the floor), swung it around her head in a wide arc and let go, and, MOST IMPORTANTLY, hit her brother with it.
You see, VikingDad, there is a good reason you don't give your kids indestructible things as gifts. If something is indestructible, it can be used as a weapon.
So, like the little barbarian children they are, they have been hurling their flashlights at each other, bashing their flashlights into each other, and generally having an alternately wonderful and torturous time. But, the real reason you don't give children flashlights as toys is because they do not understand the concept of NOT shining it in your eyes to wake you up! Especially when you have the plague and NEED sleep.
But no, instead you are accosted on every turn by a little mini-demon wielding a flashlight of doom and shining it into your eyes whenever you doze off, screaming, "MAMA! WAKE UP!"
They have been playing doctor with these flashlights. And their patients are not willing. They have been shining these flashlights everywhere... mostly in people's eyes, but also into mouths, ears, and WildBoy even shined it into his own butt to see what was up there. (The curiosity of children knows no bounds.)
So, you see, VikingDad, it is really not a good idea to give little barbarians flashlights as gifts. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go get some shuteye now that the kids are in school (and therefore someone else's problem).
Your loving but frustrated wife, BarbarianMom
I can't stop laughing. So feel your pain. When my youngest was a child I used to call her Shiva the Destroyer. She systematically dismantled everything she could find, even my phone once. Thank the gods I had a spare. I never had to worry about people being able to access my data on old computers as once she was done with them, not even Bill Gates could have salvaged something from them.
ReplyDeleteAlso, dads are so clueless. lol