Snow and Ice Days (dun dun dunnn)

So, by now I have some readers spread out all over the U.S. and at least a handful in Australia and Europe too (hi, guys!).  Most of my readers are in Minnesota, so you all understand snow and winter and how stupid it can be.  There are a couple readers from Alaska, and you guys are probably going to laugh at this post because you live in an even more frozen place, and I can't even comprehend what you go through... so, hats off to you for having to deal with way worse shit than I do.  (But not literally "hats off" because then my ears would get cold.)  At any rate, winter is something we all have to deal with here in rural Wisconsin. 

(See?  Winter in the country.  It's kind of a pain.)

And, lately, we've been having to do a whole of asinine stuff just to accommodate the various ways in which winter fucks with our lives.

Last week, it was the snow.

We got lots of it.

VikingDad couldn't drive to work.  The rest of us were driving through snow half as high as our tires.  And, because of VikingDad's bad back, I am usually the one doing the shoveling.  Now, they never ever ever plow our country roads.  I shoveled the driveway and unintentionally shoveled a bit of the road too because it wasn't readily apparent where the driveway ended and the road began.  Oh well.  I spent 2 hours shoveling, but it was still snowing, so I figured I would have to do it again in a few hours.

I was right.

I ended up shoveling the driveway (and a path to our house) 3 times in 2 days, and VikingDad also did some shoveling.

My back hurt by the end of it.  I don't care how perfect your form is, when you're shoveling you still have to bend down a bit, even if you are bending at the knees for the most part.  Also, I had to miss Jujitsu a couple of times.  

 (Waaaaaah!)

Also, VikingDad got reprimanded at work for having to work from home too many days in a row.  But, he has a tiny little hybrid car so all we can really do is wait for the plows to eventually realize there's a road way out here.

 
At 4 PM on the second Day Of Snow (dun dun dunnnn), the plow finally came and we could stop driving 5mph while trying to discern where the road is versus the ditch.  (Seriously, it all looked the same.)  On the third day, some of it melted and the rest got kind of packed down, so life could resume as usual.

(Not so much snow as before.  Anya the Newfoundland loves snow.  Probably because she has lots and lots of hair to keep her warm.  Plus she's weird.)

...Until it decided to snow overnight.

(I'm going to kill winter!  Be right back.)

It wasn't all bad, though!  I got to take WildBoy snow tubing with his Boy Scout pack.  We both had a lot of fun careening down snowy hills, getting slammed into by other tubes, and riding the rope pull to the tops of the hills.

(It was also kind of sunny.)


You might think that I would be happy when it finally warmed up yesterday, but that would be a mistake.  Because instead of snowing, it rained.  And then froze on the road.  Thus, it became... an Ice Day (dun dun dunnnn).  Since I missed so much Jujitsu during the Snow Days, I really, really wanted to go to class yesterday.  And I did, and it was amazing.

(Jujitsu is always amazing)

But, the problem was driving home.  You see, on the interstate I really didn't have a problem driving.  Sure, I had to go 20 miles under the speed limit and crawl around corners, but whatever.  That's driving in the Midwest in winter, no big deal.  The problem came when I turned off the interstate to go the last 6 miles to get home.  On a road that has not seen any plows, or salt, after an ice storm.

I knew it was a baaaaad idea as soon as I turned onto the road and my car started sliding.  "Ok then," I thought, "let's take these roads at 5 mph".  I turned my music up really loud to help me concentrate (it works, don't question it) and started forward.  On the flat road, it was do-able.  The problem came when I had to go downhill.  I didn't want to go fast, but I found myself not being able to control my speed, or my direction, or basically anything.  I counter steered too late, braked a little too much, and found myself spinning in my car on the way to the ditch.  "Yep, I'm going in the ditch," I thought, because my brain likes to state the obvious when its headed for disaster.

(I ended up like this.  Except I wore real winter clothes and snow/work boots that I got from Fleet Farm so I was way more prepared than this chick.)

I tried to drive out, no luck.  You need traction to be able to drive.  Go figure.  So I tried to dig my front wheel out with my big-ass snow boots.  Nope.  Ok, then.  Time to call VikingDad.  The phone rang.  VikingDad picked up.  "What ditch are you in?" was his opening line.  Good call, VikingDad.  Good.  Call.

So, off went VikingDad (with an unenthusiastic VikingLad) in the Highlander with the tow chain to rescue my poor, sad, stuck little Subaru.  I waited.  Would he make it on these roads that were pure ice?  I didn't know.  I waited.  For a freakishly long time.  I didn't get any phone calls, which meant that either the Highlander was still on the road or that everyone was dead. 

(Probably dead.)

Finally, I saw them come over the hill.  ("They're alive!")  I quickly sat back down in the seat and buckled up, as my back wheel was still on the road and they could very well start sliding down the hill and run into my car.  And I wanted to be buckled if that happened.  Thankfully, it didn't happen.

(The roads looked like this, by the way.)

They were able to stop the Highlander, and VikingDad got out the tow chain.  As soon as he stepped onto the road, he began to slide downhill.  Walking was problematic.  He slid around on the ice in the general direction of the car, and had to kneel down in order to keep himself from sliding away as he hooked the chain to the Subaru.  He made VikingLad tow me out of my predicament ("it's a learning experience"), while he pushed.  Without VikingDad pushing, it would have never gotten out, as there was no traction at all on the road.  But, finally, my Subaru was free!  But free to do what, exactly?  We couldn't tow it back home on the ice.  It was facing the direction from which I came, which was uphill, so I couldn't get the wheels to grip enough to drive that way.  After some frustration, VikingDad got in the car and slowly maneuvered it enough to turn it around.  Then he drove it home (during which he had to countersteer like a motherfucker to get it to stay on the road, and still ended up spinning out once) and VikingLad drove the Highlander home.

After we all got out of the car, VikingDad slipped and fell on the ice.  "You just had to go to Jujitsu!"  He said.  Yep.  Yes, I did.

(Kind of.)

After that, I warmed up under a blanket and ate some pumpkin pie.  Because pumpkin pie is a good reward after an adventure.

(And also, because I was hungry.)

The next morning, the roads had a thin layer of snow on them and were still icy (and yet, the bus still came to pick up VikingLad and VikingPrincess.  Will they ever get a snow day?  Who knows!), but later in the day the roads melted and became this:

(So I was able to drive again!  Yippee!)

And thus ended the Snow Days and the Ice Days (dun dun dunnnnn).  (Hopefully.  I mean, I hope they are done.  It would be kind of sucky if there were more snow and ice later in the week, so just cross your fingers that it stays nice!)