Barbarian Thanksgiving

BC (before children), VikingDad and I didn't care too much about the holidays.  We would just do whatever we felt like doing.  AC (after children), holidays became more important, and we usually spent them with extended family.

However, this Thanksgiving, all our extended family had other plans.  Even VikingPrincess and VikingLad were traveling and spending time with other people.  So, it was just me, VikingDad, WildBoy, and WildGirl for Thanksgiving.  Which meant...

DUN DUN DUUUNNNN

I would have to cook.

(BarbarianMom does not like cooking.  BarbarianMom likes tearing people limb from limb instead.)

But, I thought of it as a great adventure, and a great adventure it was.  How exciting!  (Mehhh, kinda) So I did what any person of my generation does when they don't know what to do: Google'd it.  I wanted to make ham and potatoes and gravy.  Since it was only the 4 of us, and I didn't want to spend all day in the kitchen, I figured ham, potatoes, and pumpkin pie would be good enough, and I could buy the pumpkin pie.  I'd made mashed potatoes and gravy before, but not the super-delicious ham gravy my mom usually makes.  The ham, though?  Totally new territory.  Google gave me step by step instructions, so I bought all the things I needed and then, on Thanksgiving Day, I started cooking.

(Muahahahaha!  What could go wrong?)

I followed all the instructions, bought a disposable deep pan with a lid, and put the ham in the oven.  I then proceeded to do all the stuff I normally have to do- laundry, run little errands around for my mini-dictators (I mean, children), Facebook about how I was actually doing a cooking thing, and start peeling the potatoes.  WildGirl "helped" in the kitchen by dropping the peeled potatoes in the cooking pot, splashing everyone and giggling, and pretending to cut things with her fingers.  She also refused to eat her sugary cereal and instead ate some of the potato peels.  I have a weird child, but at least she's making healthy choices... ?

The potatoes went along without a hitch.  I whipped up the ham glaze, and pulled the ham out of the oven to slather it with some lovely pineapple-ginger glaze.  It was then that I noticed that the ham had no lid on it.

....

That's funny.  I know I put the lid on it when I put it in the oven!

Oh, wait, there it is.  A balled-up piece of melted plastic sitting beside the ham.

Shit.  I melted the freakin' lid.

(Rest in peace, ham pan lid.)

"Did you put the ham on the lowest rack?" VikingDad asked. 
"Uh... no?  Was I supposed to?"  Shit!  Google never said anything about putting the ham on the lowest rack!
VikingDad sniffed the ham.  I sniffed the ham.  Nothing smelled like melted plastic.  There was only the delectable scent of baking ham.  The lid didn't actually touch the ham, did it?  I didn't think so.
"It might still be edible," VikingDad reassured me.

So, I put on the glaze and put the ham back in the oven.  I first used the meat thermometer to see how much more it needed to cook, but the temperature was already high enough that we could probably eat it.  That ham cooked faster than anticipated.  Probably because it was on the middle rack.

The gravy took forever to make.  I don't think I put in enough corn starch.  I sat in front of the pan stirring for a long time before I finally gave up on the gravy thickening, and decided it was good enough.

Then, it was eating time!  Yay!  The ham turned out to be delicious, and the rest of the food, too.  Even the gravy, though it was a bit thin.  Oh well.  Not bad for a Barbarian kitchen experiment.

(It was delicious, if I do say so myself.)

While we ate lunch, we watched Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, in which Charlie Brown feeds his friends popcorn and toast instead of traditional Thanksgiving fare.

"Why can't we have popcorn and toast instead of ham?" Asked WildBoy.  WildGirl fell asleep on the bed without touching her food.

(Good grief.)

"You can have toast for supper," I said to WildBoy.  "Now eat your ham and mashed potatoes or no pumpkin pie for you!"
"I don't like pumpkin pie.  Can I have a bowl of whipped cream instead?"
"Uh, yeah, I guess.  But eat your real food first," I said.
Bleary eyed, WildGirl woke up and said, "I want potato peels!"

....

After lunch, I helped WildBoy and WildGirl make a fort, since it was too cold to play outside and the kids were all wound up.  We used wrestling mats, which had the unintended consequence of the kids trying to wrestle each other on the roof of the fort.  So I had to yell at the kids and re-build the fort about 10 times, but we did eventually have fun.

(See?  Their smiles are all worth it.)

Happy Thanksgiving!