Saving My Outlaw Boyfriend In Feudal Japan

I love sleeping.  I love sleeping because, A. it makes me feel good when I wake up, B. it is an escape from my (deeply flawed and sometimes quite upsetting) waking life, and B. because I get to dream interesting dreams.

(By ocwajbaum on DeviantArt)

I love dreams!  Dreams are like watching a movie, creating a movie, and starring in a movie all at the same time.  What's not to love (especially if you love movies)?

And I've been sick, which means I've had even more vivid and wacky dreams than normal (which is probably the only upside to being sick).  Last night's dream comes to you from Feudal Japan (sort of).  I have had several dreams take place in my subconscious brain's equivalent of Feudal Japan.  I don't really know why, but it's exciting.

(Sings, "everybody was Samurai fighting...")

In this dream, I had a boyfriend from Japan who was an outlaw of the empire.  So we had to live deep in the mountains.  But one day, for some godforsaken reason, we decided to pay a visit to a prominent town.  I told my outlaw boyfriend that he should probably grow his beard and wear a disguise so that he wouldn't be recognized and killed, and I would have to wear a disguise too. 

So I donned my disguise and walked into town on the arm of my boyfriend.  Eventually, we met a man on the road, at which point I jumped at the chance to regale him with the cover story that I made up and which he probably couldn't care less about.  But dammit, I made up a cover story, so I was going to tell it to someone.

(Just two humble peasants here, sir.  Come, listen to our tale!)

As I chatted the poor guy's ear off, my boyfriend fell further and further behind, probably because he was embarrassed by my dramatic tale of woe, until at last we reached the city, where the man directed us to the nearest public library.

(OK, so my subconscious brain could not comprehend a time period where public libraries didn't exist.)

Coincidentally, the public library in this prominent city in Feudal Japan looked exactly like my library in rural Wisconsin. 

(Sorry, no scrolls here.  We only have 21st century books.)

As we entered the library, lo and behold! There was the Emperor of Japan, right there, perusing the comics section!

(He apparently loves The Far Side.  Probably because of its high brow humor.)

Oh no!  Not the Emperor himself!  Surely he will recognize my outlaw boyfriend!  (Is it bad that the first thing I thought was, "now I made up that great cover story for nothing"?)  I quickly took cover behind a book shelf and beckoned my boyfriend to do the same.  That's when I realized my boyfriend did not, in fact, grow his beard like I told him to.  "He will be recognized for sure!"  I frantically beckoned for him to duck down behind a book shelf.  Alas!  My boyfriend was very pretty to look at but dumb as a brick.  He started running and yelling and drawing a lot of attention to himself.

(I Google'd "Feudal Japan Boyfriend" just for funsies and Google Image did not disappoint.)

So, as everyone ran after my boyfriend, I hid behind a bookshelf.  After all, that dumb boyfriend really brought this upon himself.  As I sat there, a few patrons wandered through the bookshelves.  I put a finger over my mouth and said, "ssssshhhh".  By that, I meant "don't tell anyone I'm here", but they probably just thought I was shushing them because we were in a library.

("If only we would have just stayed hidden in the mountains instead of attempting this foolish trip to the library!")

But, I heard the sounds of the Emperor catching up to my boyfriend a few aisles down, so I sneaked around behind him just in time to see the Emperor raise his sword to decapitate my (prostrate and pleading- why did I like this guy again?) boyfriend.

So, I did what any good girlfriend would do.  I threw a book at the Emperor to distract his attention.  Then, when the Emperor swiped at me with his sword, I danced out of the way and hoped he would pursue me so my useless boyfriend could start running again.  Unfortunately, the Emperor didn't really care about the girl who just threw a book at him when compared to the outlaw he'd been hunting for years, so he went back to attacking my boyfriend.

(Prepare to die!)

As he raised his sword for the killing blow, I rushed forward and grabbed his hands.  Clearly, the Emperor did not expect this move, because I was able to turn the sword in his hands, so that I could use the momentum of his killing blow to instead wound the Emperor.

(It was a mighty struggle)

I ended up decapitating him.

("Oooops.  Sorry about that.")

I killed the Emperor.  Oh, shit.  Even in my dream I realized the magnitude of the situation.  Oh well, we were as good as dead anyway.  Might as well go for broke.  So I took my boyfriend by the hand and we started running for the hills.  

(Run awaaaaayy!)

Then I woke up.  We probably got killed right away.  Then again, it's my dream, so I should get to decide, right?  In that case, we totally escaped, I ditched my useless boyfriend in the mountains, and went on my own adventures after that... somehow not being killed even though the entire nation of Japan witnessed me behead the Emperor.